And in the context of everything that happened to/around me on a professional and personal level, this year’s annual think time was especially welcome. I started my journey of reconciling the past 12 months by equating some of the negative events in 2009 to “objects” floating in a metaphorical toilet bowl – objects that simply wouldn’t flush until the end of the year. And while it was temporarily gratifying to find crude humor in personal catharsis, the more serious part of me kept reaching for context. Today it came together in the dime-store philosophy of perception as a personal choice. It has been stated in countless ways – people can’t always choose the events that occur in their lives, but it’s the subsequent choices they make in responding to those events that shape them as human beings. I realized that through all of the events, issues, challenges as well as the outright successes and failures I encountered over the past year, I have learned and have grown – a lot. (I know, bad grammar, so sue me) Many of my existing personal and professional relationships were profoundly transformed over the year. I realize now in hindsight that in almost every case, those changes were for the better. And likewise, many of the new relationships that developed have been positive and utterly worthwhile.

Along the way, I have also grappled with my own “is-ness”, for the lack of a better term. Well, check that – there is a better term, in fact there are several. The French call it raison d’etre, and Robert Heinlein did an admirable job of putting it in a sci-fi context with grok (which is the term I most often use). In my case it boils down to my relationship to the music I create – and in large part it’s self-resolving, but it has taken me to this point to realize that certain people understand and accept what I’m about as a composer and others simply don’t. It’s not a value judgment by any means – but it goes to where I plan to put my energy in the coming year. Previously I’ve too easily allowed people the luxury of pigeon-holing me as “the sound guy” or “the film score geek” or other monikers that are a small part of who I am. That’s going to change this coming year, or maybe it won’t for their part – but I’m certainly not going to accept that definition without a firm body of work to show that there’s more to me than their myopic assignment. The more important lesson for me out of all of this is that thinking/talking/writing about it is meaningless without action. Composers compose - and, well – I’m a composer. Toward the end of 2009 I added some cues to my demo reel that I’m quite proud of, but I’m definitely thinking and working on a larger scale than film and television projects would most likely allow. So this year will have a pronounced focus on creating music for its own sake, because that’s where I’m at home. Even when I’m suffering through a bout of writer’s block or struggling with a bleeding-edge technical issue, I’m seldom happier than when I’m in the studio. Spending the last week of 2009 away from it has proven that to me all over again. So I will be producing a great deal more music this year, whether or not those works are attached to film, television or new media projects is of marginal consequence from the perspective of my raison d’etre. And of course I have some specific ideas on how that will take shape in the coming year, but I’ll save the formal announcement for when the time is right.

Likewise, my 2010 will focus on finding and cultivating relationships with like-minded creatives, and as a consequence other points of contact will lie fallow for a while. This seems obvious as I type it – and maybe I’m a slow learner in certain areas – but it came to me as a somewhat profound realization that I’ve spent too much time around those that didn’t share enough of my goals and perspective. It’s like trying to shove a Venn diagram together in a way that doesn’t fit. A slim overlap is what it is – and you can’t force the set to converge more than is possible on its own accord. So I will be working on my own music projects while pursuing truly rewarding collaborations and reaching out to the larger composer community to find like-minded souls.

That’s a recurring theme as I start the new year. It’s not about abandoning the past and starting a new future – it’s about taking the hard-won lessons and putting them together with the ideas that I’ve always held true, and applying them to new and meaningful context. That’s when I had my aha moment – when I found that the events of the recent past and the prospects of 2010 attained a kind of personal equilibrium. So in a way I’m really grateful for 2009, because without it the coming year wouldn’t have the same potential and purpose. And I suppose that’s what everyone does this time of year – but again – in certain areas I’m a slow learner, and this feels new and refreshing to me.

I’m not about making wild declarations, proclamations or resolutions. But I’ll say now with some confidence that – for my part – there are going to be many new, different and exciting things about 2010. Stay tuned…

And of course visually it’s an amazing film. Since the film was set in the year 2019, which is the not-too-distant future these days – it’s a definite challenge to create a recognizable-yet-foreign atmosphere. But you have to admire the layer-upon-layered-ness of that world. Philip K. Dick got to see 20 minutes of test footage before he passed away (he didn’t live to see the full release) and told Ridley Scott that the imagery was exactly as he imagined it. It is the kind of artistic achievement that can restore your belief in the artistic power of true film making. In today’s world of traipsing in front of a green screen, Blade Runner has a palpable 3D quality to it.

If Lawrence of Arabia doesn’t have a word wasted – for Blade Runner it’s the complete and utter lack of unused visual space in each frame. LoA was expansive – Blade Runner showed us a dark and convoluted interior of human experience in a way that was much more personal than Ridley Scott’s “Alien” from a few years before. And getting to see and hear all of that richness in high definition on a large screen is a real treat for the eyes and ears. I might just have to go out and buy the Blu-Ray box set… Blade Runner is certainly worthy of the additional viewings.